SATIRE: The College Board, a Humble Hero

• May 7, 2026

AREETA FAIZ || SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR

In an era where billion-dollar corporations are being constantly scrutinized for their neverending greed, it can be hard to overlook the admirable and productive gifts they actually bring to the table. The College Board demonstrates through its charitable actions what it truly means to be a not-for-profit company in America (not to be confused with a nonprofit). Loved or loathed, it bestows upon us something you can’t put a price on: opportunity. And it makes sure that each and every one of us is able to enjoy it.

Cynics may point out that the College Board makes over a billion dollars annually through AP exams, SAT registrations, and score reports. That being said, it’s important to remember that they are, at their core, not-for-profit, meaning that they aim to never prioritize revenue over students. 

Take Advanced Placement (AP) courses, for example. For just $99, high schoolers receive the invaluable opportunity to demonstrate college-level rigor on a 1-5 scale, given they have the resources, teachers, funding, and capacity to do so. Of course, this only saves you more money in college: a similar, notoriously equitable system that keeps everyone’s well-being in mind.

Or perhaps take the SAT. For just $68, plus a modest fee, or some additional modest fees, students are given the privilege to demonstrate their academic excellence in just two hours. Universally beloved, one simple standardized test on a Saturday morning allows anyone to easily take one big step towards their BigFuture! 

Students who feel pressured to invest in College Board’s services should remember that universities only suggest, strongly encourage, or require the submission of students’ SAT scores. If an individual feels uninclined to take part, they are by no means at a disadvantage—opting out just means everyone else just gets to be at an advantage. And the best part is, there is no other option. That’s far from a monopoly.

Critics wrongfully accuse the College Board of enjoying the benefits of a nonprofit organization while accumulating vast excesses of wealth. However, they fail to see the bigger picture: where else should this money go but the pockets of CEO David Coleman? While $1.6 billion may seem like a lot of money, your future is priceless, and tax exemption is a corporate right.

Remarkably, the College Board has stayed true to its mission of college-readiness since its famously humble beginnings in 1899. Since 2019, they’ve graciously offered $23 million in scholarships to low-income students, a whopping 1.4 percent of their annual revenue. 

Through its extensive dedication to philanthropy, the College Board proves to reflect the true meaning of education: accessibility, equity, and opportunity, a sentiment that every American student should cherish.

EDITORIAL: We Want Working Wi-Fi!

• May 7, 2026

We all know the feeling: you’re trying to load up your assignment, but the Wi-Fi doesn’t seem to be working. After waiting five minutes, finally Schoology loads… only for the Wi-Fi to lag out again while you’re trying to pull up Google Docs.

Slow Wi-Fi is something many of us have gotten used to, but sometimes it seems to not work at all. In a school where many assignments are online, this seems quite counterproductive to the learning that is supposed to be happening here. Students are sometimes unable to complete their work or participate in a class learning activity due to the Wi-Fi failing, and when students aren’t able to learn, the school is not fulfilling its basic function.

However, according to Ryan Knowles, the town’s Chief Innovation Officer, the Innovation and Technology Department is not aware of Wi-Fi problems happening at the high school. He explained that the IT Department has 26 buildings and 1000 Wi-Fi access points they are responsible for, and that they do not focus solely on the high school. Still, there are no signs of reports of poor Wi-Fi coming from the high school.

Knowles advised students to “Report, report, report… When issues are reported with clear detail, we can act more quickly and effectively.” If you are experiencing difficulty with Wi-Fi, and especially if a large group of people is having the same problem, then email etech@andoverma.us with the time, location, and details of the problem, as well as if it is a problem that a lot of people are experiencing.

“We try to support everyone equally and as they need it,” said Knowles. While we appreciate that the IT department has a lot on their plate, this seems like it should be a priority for a digitally-oriented school.

The town is currently working on the general issue of technology. Knowles explained they have a 5-year-plan to gradually replace many access points and improve other networking equipment. In the meantime, make sure to report Wi-Fi difficulties so that this problem can be solved.